how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
