Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
