I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love you. Go after that dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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