you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
