in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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