i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
