Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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