so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
