hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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