Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
