made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
