If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I look better un-naked...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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