when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
