I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
