Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
