you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
