Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
