There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
