doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
