This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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