What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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