My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
