Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
