i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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