I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
