fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
COCAINE IS GR8
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize