please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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