so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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