I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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