one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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