Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
