I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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