i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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