Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
