i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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