I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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