She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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