he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
