My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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