Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
