Are we in a gay sports bar?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
