i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
