It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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