RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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