Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
