is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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