Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
