i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
