i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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