You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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