is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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