Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
