Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
