I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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