I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
