Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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