I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
