if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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