every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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