i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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