Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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