My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
