I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
