Your tits are I can't wait for
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
