wrigley field is MILF paradise
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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