This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
