so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
