I bet he comes in French.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
third nipple confirmed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
