i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Two words: blizzard sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
