I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
