just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize