1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
