She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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