Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
