my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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