I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
