We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
