No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
