she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
