I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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