I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
